


Girly Boy

by natsumii



Series: Suburban Tales of Derry [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Clowns, F/M, Hypochondria, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mummy's Boy, Munchausen Syndrome, One Shot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 08:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsumii/pseuds/natsumii
Summary: Eddie was always a girly boy.





	Girly Boy

1980

Eddie was five years old when his father died. He can't recall the image of his old man's face, but he can remember the unsettling sterile smell of the hospital and the loud squeaky noise the chair would make every time he moved. Yet, the clearest memory was of his mother: her round face and her wide eyes and how the lights from the ceiling reflected off the lenses of her glasses.

"If these so called  _doctors_ can't save your Father with all their tech-o things and machines, then how in the world are they going to save you?" She rubs his cheek and pets his hair. "No, no they can't. They can't save you Eddie. You're my boy.  _I_ know what's good for you.  _They_ don't. I'm going to keep you safe because you're my little angel and no one is going to take you away from me."

She crushes him into her chest and mutters, "You're my little boy. I'm going to keep you safe."

It should have been a nice comforting hug from his mother.

He finds it hard to breath.

 

1984

"Eddie! It's time to take your pills!" 

The young boy pouted and reluctantly left his spot on the living room floor in front of the cable t.v. His favorite show was on but he knew better than to ignore his mommy. She was waiting for him in the kitchen, a pill in her palm. She smiled widely when he took it and popped it into his mouth which was then swallowed down with a cup of water. 

"That's my good boy." She praised, pinching his cheek.

He suffered through it in silence and was rewarded when he was allowed to go back to the living room. The show was on a commercial break, broadcasting several boring ads for things he didn't care for. His mind began to drift until a certain ad appeared next, catching his attention. Loud upbeat music blasted from the speakers as several half-naked people came on screen. They jumped all over the place and did funny stuff but that was not the reason he drew near.

His small nose was almost pressed against the screen, his fingers resting on the images of sweaty, shiny men in their underwear flexing their muscles. So enraptured was he that he didn't notice movement behind him.

"Eddie! What are you doing?" His mother screeched, frightening the poor child. She bustled towards the t.v and turned it off. She whipped around and towered over him with her hands on her hips, an ugly frown on her face. "You shouldn't be watching those kind of things. It's bad for your health! I thought I taught you better than that. Go on, go to your room."

"But mommy-"

"No buts! Go.  _Now._ "

Eddie had no choice but to obey when his mother used  _that_ tone on him. 

"And don't come out until I call you out for dinner." She hollered at his back.

A few hours later he was called to eat dinner. His mother stared at him from across the table as he ate in silence. The silence was broken by a shaky sob, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. The chair made a scrapping noise as Eddie fetched a tissue and dabbed away her tears. 

"I don't like punishing you, baby. You know that, don't you?" She sniffed, brushing his hair with her fingers. "But you make me do it. I don't want to, but you make me do it."

"I'm sorry, mummy." He whispered, bowing his head in shame of making his mom cry.

"Oh sweetie, it's okay. It's okay." She hugged him. "I know you didn't mean it. You would never do anything to hurt Mommy on purpose, now would you?"

He shook his head quickly.

Her tears dried up and she smiled. "That's my boy. You're my good little boy."

 

1986

The summer of 1986 was to be remembered as the hottest summer to date in their small little town but to Eddie, the summer of 1986 was the summer he met the best kind of boy around the neighborhood: William Bill Denbrough or more commonly called Bill.

Oh, he's known Bill before. Knew of him, actually. Eddie's watched him and his group of friends from afar during recess. He can't count the amount of times he has yearned to walk over to them and ask to join in on the fun but the sound of his mother's voice warning him against playing with other kids always stopped him.

_They'll get you sick, Eddie. One boy gets sick and then it's the entire classroom coughing up blood. You don't want that, now do you?_

_You'll get sick like your Father did. And then what? Will you die, Eddie? Will you die and leave your Mommy all alone just like your Father?_

_Are you going to leave Mommy all alone? Why would you do such a mean thing. Only bad little boys do that. You're not a bad little boy, are you Eddie?_

_No, that's right, you are my good little boy..._

Eddie was also a shy boy, so he blamed his shyness not allowing him to approach the other boys.

This summer, one of the boys approached him.

"You- um you alright?" Bill asked, plucking the medication packet off the ground.

"Yup. Fine." Eddie grumbled, brushing dirt from his pants. He had just exited the pharmacy store when one of the bullies in town knocked him over. Thankfully, that was all the group of older boys did and they moved along, leaving Eddie in the dust.

He searched for his medication packet before noticing that Bill had it held out to him. He automatically reached out to grab it but froze when he realized he would have to touch the other boy's hand. Biting his lip, he tried not to think of all the germs jumping onto his hand as he snatched the packet from Bill. He gave a stiff thanks and marched away.

"H-hey, wait!" Bill called after him.

Despite himself, Eddie stopped and turned around, peering at the boy cautiously.

"Um... You're Eddie, right? I've s-seen you around s-scho-school."

Eddie didn't respond and raised a brow as if saying _what do you want?_

"R-right.. so you wanna c-come play ball? We don't have a full team or-or anything, it's just me, Richie, and Stan but it would be fair having two on two."

"Ball?" Eddie said with a little frown.

"Yeah, bu-b-baseball, you know?" Bill swung his arms in the imitation of holding a bat.

Eddie clutched his medication bag tighter. "I dunno... Sounds dangerous. What if someone gets hit in the head."

Bill chuckled, "That's funny. That ha-happened to Richie yesterday." His chuckle died down when he saw the horrified look on Eddie's face. "B-b-b-but it wasn't so bad." He said quickly.

Eddie shook his head, "I'm sorry but I gotta get home to my Mommy." He promised her he would walk to the store and straight back. No stops or detours or sight-seeing and especially no playing with balls that fly into people's faces.

But then, Bill smiled this... smile, a smile that said everything was going to be fine and there was not a problem in the world kind of smile.

"C-come on. It will be fu-fun."

And somehow, against his better judgement and his promise to his mother, Eddie Kaspbrak found himself saying yes to Bill Denbrough.

Maybe it was the promise of fun or how Bill looked and sounded so inviting, that made Eddie cast all caution to the wind and commit the first reckless thing he's done in his entire short life.

Hell, there was a first time for everything. And it wasn't so bad. He got to meet Richie and Stan and although Richie teased him endlessly when Eddie called his mother, mommy, and when he had to use the inhaler from running too fast, Richie wasn't _too_ mean about it. In fact, Richie was the one who warmed up to him the most by the end of the day. 

And he didn't get hit once.

When the sky began to darken, he bid farewell to his new friends- he had friends now!- and departed home. He ran the whole way back, not wanting to come home after dark.

His mother was waiting for him on the porch, as was a police officer. She cried in relief when she spotted him. The officer rolled his eyes and snapped shut his little notebook.

"Eddie! Where in the world have you been? I've been so worried I thought something terrible happened to you!" She shrieked.

"I'm sorry Mommy. I was going to come back but then some of the boys wanted to play baseball and they needed me to balance the team." He said breathlessly, taking out his inhaler to help him catch his breath. "But mom it was so amazingly fucking cool! I got one home-run and Richie had to run all the way to get it-"

His mother gasped in horror. "Did you just curse young man? Oh dear what have those boys  _done_ to you?" 

Eddie himself slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide as saucers. "Oh shit- Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't- I mean- I-I'm sorry, Mommy!" 

She placed her hands on her hips, "I won't stand for this Edward Kaspbrak. I won't have you seeing those, those hooligans any longer. They are clearly a bad influence on you and they will get you hurt."

"But Mommy, I promised to see them tomorrow!"

"No buts Edward!"

The police officer stepped forward. "Ma'am, ma'am if I can just cut in. Why don'tcha let the boy go out. It's not doing anyone no harm. I remember when I was his age all I wanted to do was have fun with my friends. I'd say it's healthy for a young boy to go out instead of being cooped up in the house all day."

The plump woman opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water. She looked between Eddie and the officer, Eddie giving her a hopeful look and the officer giving her an expectant one. Finally, she huffed and crossed her arms.

"Alright, you can go out but no baseball, and you come home before dinner, you hear?"

Eddie jumped in joy. "Yes! Yes, thank you mommy! Thank you!"

"And don't forget to take your pills. And don't do anything dangerous."

"I will and I won't!" He grinned, running into her and giving her a tight hug.

The officer smiled at the sight and tipped his hat. "Ma'am."

"Thank you, officer." She said tight-lipped. Once he drove off, they walked to the front door. She rubbed his cheek and gestured to his hair in despair. "Oh dear, look at you. You're all dirty. Come inside now, we'll get you all cleaned up. And don't you ever do that again without telling me. You don't know how bad you scared mommy."

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I promise it won't happen again."

"You'll be safe?" She insisted.

He looked up at her with wide, innocent eyes. "I'll be safe. I promise."

 

1988

Eddie didn't know little Georgie was missing until he saw the little sucker's face printed on a missing poster. How one of his best friend's kid brother disappeared without Eddie knowing about it was lost to him.

It was the talk of the town for a day. Then, everyone moved on as if nothing happened.

But not Eddie, nor Richie or Stan and especially not Bill.

Bill got it the worst.

Eddie knew Bill loved his little brother more than anything else in the world, even more than his bike!

He and the rest of their gang tried to be there for Bill. They dragged him out of bed on days he didn't want to leave his room, stayed with him on days when he absolutely refused to get out of bed, and most importantly, tried to make him laugh.

They succeeded one fateful night. The boys were having a sleepover at Bill's place with dubious consent from Bill himself.

They were watching a movie, he couldn't remember what, when Richie spoke.

"Hey Bill, wanna see something funny?"

The somber boy gave a half-hearted hum.

Eddie didn't know what was going on before he felt lips on his and realized he was staring at the too close face of his friend. The kiss only lasted for a second but he swore time slowed down and he could hear the rushing of blood and the beating of his heart. Richie sat back, wiping his mouth with a silly little grin. The three boys stared at Eddie's horrified expression frozen onto his face and shockingly, Bill snickered.

That little snicker turned into a giggle, then into a full blown out laugh accompanied by Richie and Stan.

"Y-your f-f-fa-face!" He stuttered, pointing at Eddie.

All the while, Eddie was coming to terms with what just occurred. "Guys, that is not funny! This is not funny! That was so not cool Richie!" He scrambled to his feet and rushed to the bathroom. He wasted no time in turning on the faucet and scrubbing his mouth squeaky clean. He even used the hand soap! There was no other option. Either contract cooties and die or use the hand soap and exterminate all those germs. When he was done, he scrubbed it some more and gargled and spat out the water like it was venom.

"Fuck you guys." Was the first thing he said when he returned back to the room.

"Yeah I fucked your mom last night, though." Richie replied with a stupid grin.

"Shuddup about my mom." Eddie collapsed and used the momentum to bump extra hard against Richie.

"Momma's boy."

"Four eyes."

"Both of you shut-shut up!" Bill said, bonking both their heads. "I'm try-trying to watch the movie."

"Geez-louise, Bill. Didn't know you were even paying attention." Richie muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

"Y-yeah well, I was."

It was a small thing, but Bill actually laughed for the first time in like, years AND he was actually interested in something other than staying home in bed all day. If that wasn't a sign of progress then Eddie didn't know what was.

By 1 am, the boys were all asleep. All except for one.

Eddie laid awake, self conscious of all the other boys around him. He heard Richie move around in his sleep, shifting to get into a more comfortable position. Unfortunately, once he settled down, his shoulder was brushing up against Eddie's back. 

The poor young boy froze, the spot on his body where Richie touched was on fire. Slowly, as to not wake him, Eddie wiggled away, giving a wide berth of space between them.

He didn't want Richie touching him. He didn't want any of the boys touching him.

The kiss, that stupid, stupid kiss came back to the forefront of his mind. It wasn't only the germs that bothered him...

His stomach churned uncomfortably. Eddie knew he didn't like it. It was just a silly kiss between friends. Richie only kissed Eddie because he wanted to make Bill laugh. That was all. And it worked!

So everything should be fine now... But why wasn't it? Or maybe it was only Eddie who was feeling this way because everyone else were all asleep so that meant none of them were bothered by the kiss. And it shouldn't _be_ a big deal because- because well... 

He got kissed by a boy. Eddie wanted his first kiss to be sometime in the future, maybe when he was 35 or something, preferably 30, and most importantly: By. A. GIRL.

Not by Richie Tozier! 

And no, no, no! Eddie DID NOT like it. He should be grossed out, puking all over himself! Except all he wanted to do was puke all over himself because he DIDN'T feel grossed out by it. It actually felt kinda nice...

NO Eddie! Come on, Eddie! What the hell are you even thinking? Kissing boys? He is not gay! God the thought of being gay, liking other boys, even- even just the  _word_ gay brought a sickening nausea over him. Cold and hot flashes washed over him like rolling waves on sand.

He is not gay. He is not gay! Gays are bad and sick! That's what his mommy tells him. That's what everyone thinks!

There is something wrong with those people. They are sick in the mind and sick in the body and no thank you Eddie did not want to catch whatever disease they had!

The little boy curled up into a ball, tears leaking down his cheeks as he held back a hiccup. He could hear his mother now.

_Disgusting! You want to do what? Kiss a boy? You liked it? Do you like Richie!? Do you understand Richie is a boy? Two boys don't kiss each other and they certainly don't like each other!_

Then, he heard Richie's voice.

_Ew, gross dude. You fucking liked it? That's weird. I'm not a fag. I don't think my parent's would want me hanging around.. people like you..._

_I'm not! I'm not!_ Eddie screamed in his head. Everything was getting harder to breath. Panicking, he sat up and grabbed his inhaler. He had to take four quick inhales before his breathing returned to normal. He almost had a heart attack when a quiet voice whispered in the dark room.

"Hey, you alright?"

It was Bill. Oh thank god it was just Bill.

"Y-yeah I'm alright. Nightmare. Just a nightmare."

"Oh. O.k. G-goodnight." 

"Goodnight." 

Eddie settled back and closed his eyes, determined to go to sleep this time.

"Pss. Hey Eddie? Thanks for com-coming over tonight... Thanks for... sticking with me. I- I know I haven't been the best of a friend lately."

"Shut up Bill. That's what friends do. It's all in a days works."

"H-ha, I g-guess but- but anyways I just wanted to say thank you."

"Don't mention it. You're my best friend. I got your back."

"Would you two love birds please shut up. I am trying to get my beauty sleep!" Richie's voice joined in.

"Shut up, Richie! I have prayer practice in the morning." Stan said groggily.

"All of you shut up!" Eddie demanded.

" _You_ shut up!" Richie replied.

"S-shut up, Richie!" Bill added.

"Oh my god! I can't do this." Stan groaned. 

There were a lot more shut ups and fits of giggling until finally sleep swept away the boys into oblivion, none of them noticing a pair of glowing twin eyes watching from the darkness.

 

1989

This was supposed to be a _fun_ summer. They were _supposed_ to be having fun. So far, their summer has gone to shit.

Now here he sat, back pressed against the wall clutching his _broken_ arm watching in utter horror as It emerged from inside the refrigerator, twisting and contorting it's body in a way that was impossible for a human being to do.

He still remember's each spike of fear every time the clown brought his fingers close to it's horrible mouth. He wanted to shut his eyes. He didn't want to see his own fingers being chewed off but terror kept him looking.

Eddie didn't like to admit it, but he cried like a baby. He cried harder when he heard It mockingly crying with him.

_How could someone- something- someone be so cruel? Why was It doing this to them? Why was It so mean?_

Through his terror induced fog, he faintly recalls Bill and Richie coming to his rescue, then the rest of the Loser's Club.

He doesn't remember much else after that. Only when he was brought home did he come back to his senses. His mother berates his friends. She was more angrier than she has ever been. It doesn't help the pain from his arm when she drags him inside the house.

"You promised me Eddie! You promised you will be _safe!_ "

"I was! I am!" He sputtered, wincing.

"Is this what you call being safe?" She screeched, waving his broken arm.

"Mommy stop!" He cried out, tears springing to his eyes.

"You lied to me." She pointed an accusing finger in his face. "You _lied_ to Mommy, Edward. Only bad little boys lie to their mommies and bad little boys are sick little boys. You understand Edward? You're a sick little boy."

"No, no mommy I'm not sick. I swear it. I swear it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He blubbered, feeling as if every inch of his being collapsing into dust.

"Stop your whining!" She snapped and dragged him around the house collecting her bag and keys. They went out the front door and into the car. "Now I'm going to have to pay for your arm and you know Mommy doesn't have a lot of money. Why did you do this to Mommy, Eddie? I told you those boys and _that girl_ were no good. I always knew they were no good for my son! But you didn't listen to Mommy, did you? You thought you knew better, didn't you?"

Eddie shook his head. "No Mommy, I didn't know better-"

"Yes you did! Don't try to lie to your Mother again! I knew this was going to happen and now that it has I will never let it happen again. From this day on you will _never_ see those boys again, you hear me? You will stay with me, safe inside our house."

"But they are my friends. They need me." He protested.

"You don't need friends! You have me. I am your only friend. They don't need you, Eddie. I do! And you need me whether you like it or not."

"But-"

"No more buts! I don't want to hear it. You are never leaving the house and that is final!"

Eddie was defeated. There was no going against his mother. Once she said something was final then it was final.

There was no more Loser's Club for him anymore.

There were no words in the universe to describe the feeling that filled him when he marched past his mother. Maybe triumphant was one.

For the first time in his short life, Edward Kaspbrak stood up to his mother, stood his ground, and _won_. 

A small part of him felt bad. He was being a bad little boy- a sick little boy, but he had to do it. His friends needed him now more than ever and he wasn't going fail them.

It felt even better beating up the clown.

It was scary at first, heck downright terrifying, but standing with his friends by his side, and him by their side, they were unstoppable.

When It disappeared deeper into the sewers, Eddie prayed the thing was dead. He will never know but maybe if he believes it to be, truly believes it, then maybe it will be.

He is not reassured when Bill makes them swear to come back if It ever returned.

In the end, he doesn't care. He swears to come back, and doesn't think twice when Bill uses the same knife covered with his friends blood to cut an oath scar into his palm.

He returns home a while later. His mother demands to know where he went and what happened to him. He ignores her.

He can face the punishments later. Right now, he was tired.

Covered in filth and reeking of sewer water, Eddie collapses onto his clean bed, as sterile as the hospital beds, and fell asleep.

 

1992

It never returned. Well, it has only been three years since that dreadful summer and Eddie knew It slept for 27 years but still... A part of him was convinced the clown was vanquished. Another part of him was trying to convince himself it was really gone. And another part of him... was terrified because maybe they didn't destroy It.

But he tries not to think about it, anyways.

Lots of other things kept his mind occupied. Like how he saw Richie kissing a boy behind the burger joint diner behind the trash bins in the dark.

It felt like a cold bucket of ice water was dumped on him. He let out a small gasp when Richie spotted him. Eddie scurried away like a deer after hearing a gunshot.

He wasn't fast enough. As soon as he entered the diner Richie was hot on his tail.

"Eddie, Eddie! I needa talk to you."

"There's nothing _to_ talk about."

"Oh come on Ed, I know you- I know you saw me. Please, _please_ can we just talk."

"Fine." Eddie snipped, trying to keep his face a neutral as possible. He followed Richie into the men's bathroom, and after checking the stalls to make sure they were alone, Richie went to the sink and splashed water over his face and smoothed back his wild dark hair. The taller teen stared at his reflection and then looked at Eddie's. 

"I... I don't know what to say."

"You wanted to talk. So talk."

"Not helping Eds."

"Well what do you want me to say? I just saw my best friend of six years making out with a boy behind a dumpster? I mean, jesus christ Richie I don't- I don't know what to say either!"

"Don't say anything then." Richie faced him and leaned back on the sink. "I mean, don't say anything to Bill and the others. I don't want them to know."

"When were you going to tell me?"

Richie froze and looked away. "I didn't want anyone to know. Especially you, Eds." He pushed himself from the sink and approached Eddie. Richie paused when Eddie took a few steps back in an unconscious response. The taller boy's brows knitted in pain. "You see? _This_ is why. You are my best friend, Eddie. I didn't want to lose you... I wanted to tell you. So many fucking times I wanted to confess to you and you only but I was so fucking scared of your reaction. I was scared you would stop being my friend and god Eddie, I _can't-_ " His voice cracked, his eyes shiny. "I can't imagine a world without you. Our friendship means everything to me."

"God, you _kissed_ me, Richie." Eddie muttered, his lips trembling. He thinks he's going to be sick.

"It didn't mean anything! We were just kids. I wanted to make Bill laugh."

"So you didn't do it for any other purposes than that?" Eddie declared, searching Richie's eyes wildly. He needed to know. Needed to confirm that that kiss was nothing more than two friends being stupid.

His heart sank when Richie didn't answer.

"Eddie," The taller boy began but Eddie shook his head.

_Sick, sick, sick. He was sick. They were sick. They were bad little boys and so, so sick._

"Eddie please say something."

"No!" He whimpered, feeling his face heat up and tears well in his eyes. His heart was beating too fast under his rib cage and- and it was getting harder to breath! It was happening again. An asthma attack. He hasn't had one in two years and now it was happening. What was he going to do? He doesn't have his inhaler. He left it at home.

_Stupid, stupid little boy!_

From the loud rushing of blood in his ears, somehow Richie's voice cuts through his panic. 

"Eddie. Eddie look at me." A hand cupped his cheek, another gripping his shoulder. His best friend's face comes into view and his soft dark eyes are all he can see. "Breath, Ed. Breath. That's it. Breath in. Breath out."

It helped to follow the pattern of Richie's own breathing.

Their faces were inches apart, their breaths mingling in the open space between them. Richie flickered his eyes to glance at Eddie's parted lips. A soft thumb caressed his bottom lip feather light. Alarm bells were ringing in Eddie's mind but they sounded so far away.

They locked eyes and he knew; there was no stopping Richie Tozier.

His eyes fluttered shut when Richie kissed him. It felt so good. It felt so right.

Something this good can't be wrong.

_But wrong it was._

_You sick, sick little boy._

"Get off of me!" Eddie cried and shoved his best friend away. He ignored the open pain written all over the taller boy's face. The distraught in his soft eyes. 

A hot fever settled over Eddie. He rushed to the sink and washed his mouth, scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing-

"No! Don't touch me!" He screamed in blind panic, terrified of contracting anything from Richie.

"Eddie, stop! You're hurting yourself!"

"Don't come near me." He warned Richie, backing away towards the door with raised hands, eyes wide with insensible fear. "I'm not sick, Richie. I'm not SICK. Don't make me sick. Please don't. Please.." He swallowed hard and tried to stop the violent way his hands shook. "I don't want to be sick." He said in a tiny broken voice. "Please Richie... I don't want to be sick..."

Richie could only stare with teary eyes as his best friend broke down infront of him.

"I love you, Eds." The boy with wild hair and soft eyes said.

Eddie felt his heart lurch. He _wished_ the clown would appear and tear that useless organ out. Eat it for all he cares because that would be less painful than what he was feeling right now.

"I won't say anything." Eddie said finally, sucking up his tears. "Just leave me alone."

He didn't wait to see Richie's reaction to his words. He left without a second look back.

He asked one time, how can someone- something- someone can be so cruel. Turns out, it wasn't only monsters that can tear someone apart. 

 

2004

Life moved on after that. There was no dramatic confessions of love or leaping into the abyss. Richie Tozier left Eddie Kaspbrak all alone.

And soon, so did everyone else.

Bill went on to some fancy college to pursue his talent of writing. He was really good, read all of his short stories in high school and they were beyond amazing. He was going to become a famous writer one day, Eddie just knows it. 

Stan went to a community college. Rumor has it, he is now happily married to the woman of his dreams somewhere in Atlanta, Georgia.

Mike became the librarian here in town. He was always fond of Derry.

Beverly, although she had moved away after defeating It, was still in touch with some of the member of the Loser's Club. He heard she was a successful fashion designer creating the top trends of today.

Ben was the least he knew of. The only thing he knew was that his friend became and architect.

Richie... After high school Richie dropped off the face of the planet. Gone. Vanished into thin air like he never existed. No one knew what happened to him and it hurt twice as much when people asked Eddie as to Richie's whereabouts.

Sorry, people. He had no clue either.

That is until after one long day working at the pharmacy store, Eddie came home late. His mother was dead asleep on the reclining chair, her snores loud enough to shake the peeling wallpaper from the walls like brittle leaves on a fall's day. He microwaved the left overs of last night's dinner and settled down onto the couch to relax and unwind.

He almost spat out the food in his mouth when a late night t.v show came on; Richie Tozier as it's host.

There was no denying it. Eddie can spot him in a crowd of a thousand people. His hair was more tame, and he had matured over age, but he can never forget those soft dark eyes or that goofy charming smile. 

It was Richie Tozier alright. And if his eyes were wrong, the feeling in his heart was right. 

Eddie set the plate aside and approached the t.v, his face inches away from the screen. Richie was saying something that made the audience laugh but he didn't pay no mind to it. He was solely focused on  _him._ His long time best friend.

 _Ex_ best friend.

Eddie didn't care. He cried in front of the t.v. His mom was asleep, and there was no one else around to see him. 

All the painful memories came back and he was hit by a strong shot of misery. Oh how he missed Richie! The world wasn't the same without him in it. He missed talking to him, goofing around with him,  _being with him_ in general. Why oh why did he end their friendship? 

Just because Richie was gay?

Just because maybe he.. Eddie himself.. was gay too? 

_No! No! He wasn't gay._

But saying that over the years was starting to lose it's touch. He was almost 30 years old. How long was this going to keep up? Until he died?

Eddie cursed and turned off the t.v. He couldn't stand looking at Richie Tozier for a second longer. He washed his dishes, kissed his mom goodnight on the forehead and went to get ready for bed.

Sometime through the night, he awoke. His room was pitch black, more so than usual. It was unsettling and easily set him on his nerves. He stayed a quiet as he could, wondering why he woke up in the middle of the night. Maybe his mother got up to go to bed and was careless in keeping quiet. 

He strained his ears to hear anything to confirm his theories.

Silence. 

Then, a sound he hoped he would never ever hear again. It was a small, high-pitched giggle that came from the darkest corner of his room. Eddie stiffened, petrified. His heart leapt into his throat when he saw two pairs of glowing beady eyes staring at him from the shadows. 

He wanted to call out for his mommy. He wanted to scream for his friends. He wanted to realize this was all a dream and he was going to wake up now. Please, please wake up now...

"Hello wheezy. You having trouble breathing there, buddy?" 

Eddie tried to suck in air and found he couldn't.

"What's wrong, Eddie? Cat got your tongue?" It laughed that hideous high child like laugh.

"You're not here. You can't be real." He managed to choke out. 

"I wasn't real enough for Billy, and now I'm not real enough  _for you_?" 

"We destroyed you!" 

"Is that what you tell yourself at night. Does it help you sleep better, Eddie?"

"No, no.. This is not real. This can't be happening!" He cried in despair, clawing at his face. 

From the shadows, the clown finally showed itself. It looked the same as it had the day they beat it. All those years ago...

He had his friends back then. He had _Richie,_ back then. Now, he was all alone and you can't fight this thing all alone.

The clown sniffed the air and smiled its terrible smile. "I can taste your fear, boy. I wonder if your flesh tastes as good, too." 

Eddie yelped as It leaped onto his bed, crouching over his legs, a gloved hand wrapping around his neck. The clown giggled in sickly delight at the blatant fear dancing across the man's eyes. In a flash, the clown transformed into  _the_ leper. The smell made him gag, and it took all his will power not to throw up then and there. 

"Aw, what's the matter Eddie? I just want to play!" 

Eddie struggled against It's hold. His body was beginning to shed that freeze nature and the fight or flight instincts were kicking in. 

"You are such a sick boy, you know that Eddie?" The leper spoke with his mother's voice. "Sick, sick little boys do not deserve to live. They don't deserve to float either. No, Eddie, you are going to  _sink_."

"No!" He gasped, bucking his hips wildly in the attempt to throw the creature off him. This is not real! And if it was- fuck! If it was real he was really fucking screwed! 

"Now, now boy. Don't be mean. You don't want to make Mommy cry now, do you? Oh yes, yes you do. Mommy cries every night because of you. Mommy knows what you are. You are a sick little boy, Eddie, but you are far much worse, aren't ya? Girly boy."

Eddie faltered, his mouth going dry. 

"Girly boy. That's what you are, aren'tcha? Girly, girly boy." Demonic laughter rang from the leper. "You are dripping with fear, girly boy. I can just lick it all up!" 

Laughter erupted from all around him. The room began to swirl as kids from middle school pointed at him and laughed. The Loser's Club, even Richie, was laughing at him.

He cried for them to stop. Stop, please stop! But his pleas were nothing more than an ant being squished. Meaningless. Forgotten. 

All his friend's had moved on to become greater things and here he was, still in Derry, living with his mother, and about to be killed by a fucking clown. 

The kids began chanting:  _Girly boy! Girly boy! Girly boy!_

Yet in the imminent moments of his soon to be death, all he could think about was stupid Richie Tozier and how Eddie should have slapped himself, told himself to wake the fuck up, and go tell Richie he loved him too.

He should have never left that bathroom. He should have kissed Richie back that day and confess his love for him and then they can both suffer together because at least then, they will have each other.

How can Eddie die without telling Richie how much he loved him? How much he still loves him!

Simple answer: He can't die.

He won't. He absolutely refuses to die this day.

And once the will to live became stronger than the will to die, Eddie stopped being scared.

It realized immediately.

"Yes. _I am_ a girly boy." Eddie announced, determination in his voice. "And I don't think I care anymore." 

"Don't be stupid, boy! You are a sick little boy! Sick, sick, sick!" The leper screamed in his mother's voice.

"No, Mother. I'm not sick. I never was." He sat up and grabbed the leper's shoulders. " _You_ are."

Squeezing his eyes shut, he leaned in and kissed the leper on its deformed mouth. He heard screams of rage and cackles of insanity twirl around the room but he dared not open his eyes. 

Then- nothing. 

Eddie woke up gasping, his body drenched in sweat. He looked around the room but everything appeared normal. He couldn't believe it. 

It was just a dream after all. 

But that didn't meant what happened inside him was not real, too. 

After 29 years wasting his life away, Eddie Kaspbrak jumped out of bed and packed his things. He made such a ruckus, unconcerned whether or not he was going to wake his mother with all the racket. What seemed liked seconds he was bounding down the hallway, luggage rolling noisily behind him.

"Eddie? Eddie dear, what on earth is going on?" His mother gasped almost comically so when she spotted the luggage. "Eddie! What has gotten into you!" 

"I'm leaving Mother." He said over his shoulder, not bothering to stop and say goodbye. 

"Edward! You stop right there, you hear me! Not one more step or I swear you will never be allowed out of the house ever again!"

She cried in outrage as he opened the door and stepped outside into the cold, fresh air. 

"Edward! Edward! How dare you! You ungrateful child! Come back here!" Her demands fell upon deaf ears. A sob escaped the old lady. "How can you do this to me? You're my baby boy! You're going to leave me, just like your Father did? You're going to leave me here all alone!" 

Despite everything, Eddie halted and faced his weeping mother. "Mother," He said with a clear, loud voice. "I love you. Nothing will ever change that. I will always be your son and you will always be my Mother. But I am leaving, and nothing is going to change that either." 

His mother's wailing followed him down the street. His own internal chaos screamed at him.

They were all left behind when he left Derry behind.

 

2006

It took him a long time to get to where he was at now. The day he left his mother, he left with only what was left in his bank and what was packed in his luggage. Yet somehow, he made it work. 

He owns a limousine now. It's his car and his livelihood. He uses it to drive around famous people. No it wasn't easy getting this job. It took a lot of hard work and a fair amount of dedication but over the years he grew to have a trustworthy and outstanding record. 

Soon he was chauffeuring celebrities, singers, and actors around New York City.

He didn't mind his job. He wasn't exactly overly excited when meeting his clients, so that was a plus for them. The only upside was that the pay was good, really good, and he got to see the pretty lights of the city at night.

At the end of the day, it was always great to come home to his own home, eat whatever he wanted, and sit back and watch the late night comedy show. He never missed an airing.

Richie was brilliant as always, charming the crowd and making them laugh. He always had a way with people, mostly by pissing them off with that big mouth of his.

Eddie's fantasized about sitting with the audience and somehow getting Richie's attention. In his wildest dreams, Richie would go to him and Eddie would meet him halfway down the stairs and they would embrace one another and kiss until the sun became drunk and the moon would explode into dust.

But... that was only in Eddie's wildest dreams. In reality, Eddie was waiting for the right time to re-enter his best friend's life. He blamed it on work, or finding a place to live and eat for the first year here in the city, that he didn't have the time to reveal himself to Richie, but the cold hard truth was that Eddie was scared. The last time they truly talked was back in that bathroom, and that hadn't gone well.

What if Richie hated his guts? What if he didn't want to become friends again? What if he wanted to be friends but... nothing more. 

The last one would surely kill him. Eddie thought he was strong, but he found out again that he was just stupidly reckless. Wait, correction, he was just stupidly reckless and hopelessly in love with someone who might consider Eddie as a ghost of a past life.

Oh god, what was he going to do?

He can't stay as some loser watching the love of his love on a t.v screen forever. He needed to do something. Take action!

Eddies promises himself tomorrow he will do it. Tomorrow he will go and see Richie Tozier, confess his love to him, and hopefully won't be considered a crazy person. At least then, he will die knowing that he's done something right in his life for a change.

Tomorrow comes all too soon. Eddie arrives at the channel station right when he knows the show has ended. He takes a deep breath, and get himself ready to leave the car when someone enters. 

"2490 Pendrive St." A man's voice tells him. 

Eddie was frozen between getting out of the car and staying in it. Not wanting to be overly rude, he decides to let the man down gently. He opens his mouth and whatever he was going to say dies in his throat. In the rear view mirror he sees Richie Tozier's face. 

"Ye-yes sir." Eddie stammers, and like on auto-pilot he puts the car into drive and head towards the destination. His heart was beating fast, so fast he thought it was going to explode. The fingers wrapped around the wheel became clammy with sweat. He kept glancing back at Richie, still in shock and not quite believing his best friend and love of his life was right there behind him.

He doesn't know what to say. Should he introduce himself? No, that would be too weird. Maybe once they've stopped. When they are both standing. So he can either run away or run into Richie's arms. 

Eddie wet his dry lips.

He should really focus on the road. 

"Hey, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?" 

Eddie's heart stopped. He swallowed and glanced at his rear view mirror only to have Richie looking back. There eyes locked and Eddie held his breath. 

Richie stared at him, his soft dark eyes as beautiful as he remembered them. This was it. Richie knew who he was now.

Eddie was ready to pull over when Richie shrugged and sat back.

"My mistake, I thought you were someone I used to know. Oh, hey! This is my stop."

Eddie screeched to a halt, mumbling a quick apology. He watched in a daze as Richie fished out money from his wallet and handed it to Eddie. His best friend said a quick thanks and left the car without a backwards glance.

When Eddie came home, to his own home, alone and empty, with no food in the fridge and the cable t.v. shut off, he collapsed into his chair and drank himself silly. It was the first time he has gotten drunk.

It won't be his last.

 

2016

"Happy 41th baby! I'll see you when you get home. I have a little surprise waiting for you!" Myra Kaspbrak voice sounded when he checked his voicemail.

Eddie's response was to toss his phone onto the passenger seat of his limousine. He had just finished dropping of the last celebrity of the night who had thrown up all over the back seat of his car. Great, he was going to have to clean that later. 

Right now, Eddie just wanted to go home and sleep. 

He got a new place to live. Moved somewhere nicer and more away from... the t.v station. 

He is also married now to the love of his life, Myra. She was just... an angel. Everything he wanted in a girl. She was perfect.

Eddie was happy. He can say that at least. Yes, after what happened with Richie he was left a drunk alcoholic who couldn't get a grip on his life, but now he was an occasional alcoholic with a wife and a nice place and a nice job who sorta has a grip on his life.

See? Everything turned out just fine for Eddie Kaspbrak.

Just fine...

Eddie closed the door to his apartment slowly, making sure not to make a sound. He was home pretty late and he didn't want to wake his wife. He dropped his stuff carelessly onto the kitchen island counter and kicked off his shoes, rolling his neck and was satisfied to hear it and feel it pop. 

"Honey, is that you?" Myra called from their room.

Eddie froze and once he realized he can't sneak away he groaned and replied, "Yes it's me." 

"You were out late tonight. You had me worried, Eddie."

"I'm sorry, honey. I promise I won't do it again."

"Good. You know how worried I get when I don't know where you are."

"I know, honey, I'm sorry." He trudged to the fridge and cracked open a cold one. 

"Oh, darling? Someone called and left a voicemail. It sounds important. You should hear it." 

"Gotcha," He mumbled and went over to the phone. He pressed the play button and laid down on the couch. 

"Eddie Kaspbrak? This is Bill, Bill Denbrough. I don't know if you remember me but I need to tell you that It is back. Remember? The clown we thought we destroyed all those years ago in the sewers? We didn't and it's back. Eddie, you promised, you swore an oath to return to Derry if It ever came back..."

Bill's voice faded. Memories of that summer, that clown, all came rushing back.

It was back.

They never killed it after all. 

"Honey?" Myra called. "Is everything alright?"

Eddie has to compose himself before he replied. "Y-yes dear. Everything's alright. A-actually I think I'm going to have to go away for a little while. Just a short trip back to my home town. I'm going to meet up with some old friends."

There was a long, heavy silence. 

Then-

"You're going to leave me?"

"No honey, I'm not. I'm just going on a short vacation that's all. It won't be long." 

"Why are you lying to me, Eddie?"

"I'm not! I'm telling the truth." 

"Don't you know only bad little boys tell lies?"

Eddie stiffened and lowered the bottle from his lips. Slowly, he set it on the table and made his way to their room. He stopped at the doorway and saw his wife laying on the bed dressed in a small night gown. She smirked at him from underneath her lashes.

Eddie swallowed, but for other non-sexual reasons. "What did you say?"

Myra giggled. "I said, only sick little boys lie to their mommies. But you are a sick little boy aren't you, Eddie? Sick, sick, sick!" She laughed at him, and Eddie found himself marching over to her and grabbing her by the wrists, shaking her. 

"I'm not a sick little boy, Myra." 

She smiled, caressing his cheek. "Oh I know, I know. It's o.k. Eddie. It's o.k." She brought her face close to his and kissed him slowly, sensually. When they broke apart, she hummed a familiar little tune and brought his fingers to her mouth, sucking each one slowly, keeping his eyes locked onto hers.

"You are _my_ sick little boy, Eddie." She whispered into his ear. 

Somewhere, far away, he can hear carnival music.

"My girly, girly boy."

 

 

Eddie thinks of Richie Tozier. Recalls their first kiss. He then thinks of the Loser's Club. How united and strong they were together.

He was all alone, now.

But, he supposes, that wasn't entirely true anymore. 

Robert was right. They all float down here. 


End file.
